we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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