That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
