Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
