I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
