Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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