she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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