His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
