This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
