My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
