Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
