Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
