so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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