I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
