im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
