saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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