Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
