You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
