either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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