i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
