if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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