I'm going to jail i love you
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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