my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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