omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
