Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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