She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
