i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
