That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
