I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
