I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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