I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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