that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
now i know why i became what i already was.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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