i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
