Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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