I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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