Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
