went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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