I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
