All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
