I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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