Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
