This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
this is an emotional support booty call
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
