Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it's like iHOP with fire
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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