people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
