i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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