girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
