What did we do last night that was yellow?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
