that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
