Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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