im drinking this country out of the recession.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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