Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
