She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
