Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
