I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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