you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have fence marks all over my body
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I enjoy the company of your penis
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