Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
