addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
